Canadian Waffles?

I saw an article about strange sports stories that involved throwing waffles onto the ice in Toronto. ( Here it is). So that got me thinking, I really must not be that far off with all this waffle stuff. Someone had the audacity to refer to it as my obsession. I think more like hobby. Whatever it is, the article vindicates me, as does the fact that there were so few waffle makers to be found on Black Friday. Therefore I feel renewed and invigorated in my quest for the perfect waffle and shall continue to share my adventures with you, my lucky readers!


And to that end, I have a special treat for you, a better picture of a PERFECT WAFFLE! After sharing the first one, this one was once again made with Related's pancake recipe, and used for an impromptu party. Although much complaining ensued about the taste, three (yes, three!) batches were consumed, with the waffles disappearing as fast as they came out of the machine.

here is the pic

A thing of beauty, is it not?

OK, maybe a bit of an obsession.

As a quick postscript, I took the remaining batter this morning, added some applesauce, cinnamon and Splenda, cooked up the waffle and gave it to my tester, who proclaimed

"Syrup is a lifesaver, no offense"

More Moronic Mumbojumbo from the Mouth of the Mayor

I have tried to hold back, since it seems the only things I blog about are waffles and that idiot supposedly running New York City. Alas, the pompous one has gone so far over the levels of propriety I have no choice but to comment.

I understand it is hard to keep a city free and clear of snow, what with creating ( and I am sure, clearing) bike lanes where there used to be roads, giving out tickets like they were candy on Halloween, and creating new and inventive ways to screw hard working New Yorkers out of their money, there just isn't time to take care of the job of making sure the City runs. I guess he COULD raise parking tickets to $700 a piece to supposedly pay for more non-service, but we will keep that for another time.

However, when you mess up on a scale as large as we are witnessing today, at least own up to it. What does this deluded, out of touch fool do? He ATTACKS, yes attacks EMS workers by blaming THEM for getting stuck.

During an interview I saw last night, mayor Moron, in all his histrionic glory, says that the ambulances were trying to go down streets to, gasp!, help people, and do their jobs, when their ambulances got stuck. Now, aside from the fact that this is twisting the truth, int hat the ambulances were apparently getting stuck EVERYWHERE, and that major Avenues and arteries around the City were also impassable, he then goes on to say that they should have left their ambulances on the major streets and WALKED to their patients on the side streets.

Let me explain why this is the height of uninformed idiocy. First of all, the stretchers are really not designed to go through two feet of snow, not empty and certainly not with a 150-200 pound patient on it. They are just not that sturdy, or designed for that kind of abuse. ( I am sure that his position is bolstered by the fact that it is the obligation of the OWNER to clear the sidewalks, or of course, face another huge ticket). Additionally, the equipment that EMS carries can be quite heavy, and to schlep that through the snow is also not ideal. Even if you could put it on the stretcher for the trip TO the patient, it would have to be carried, along with the patient, through the two feet of unplowed snow, and somehow over the snowbank of packed snow at the end of the unplowed street ( from the cross plowing), while trying to steer and ungainly and top heavy stretcher through the snow back to the ambulance. Keeping in mind that unlike the volley crews, you aren't going to be able to ask for additional members to help you schlep, since they are on another call doing the same thing.

Does any of this make any sense?

Did you expect it to from the mouth of a buffoon?

Never Assume

I was driving on the Palisades Parkway last night, tooling along in the left lane, lead car, when my radar detector goes off just before the new York line. I slam on the brakes, and sure enough, just sitting on the side of the road is a PIP cop, who i pass doing the seed limit of 50.

I am feeling rather smug, and look in my rear view mirror to see the lights of an SUV right on top of me. I felt a little bad for the spontaneous and seemingly unnecessary braking, but i felt the guy should really give me a big thank you for saving him a ticket by slowing him down.

I travel a bit further, with this guy still pretty close on my back bumper, thinking he should be more grateful and get off my tail. I then decided to pop in to the gas station not far from the State line. As i pull off, I look over to see who the yahoo in the SUV is as he passes me.

It was a cop.

Why Waffles?

Over on the cold clean blog, there was a reference to our valiant efforts over here to get the perfect waffle. So I commented but for those of you who don't wish to click and see, I am expanding it here.

Although FBB is sort of right ( WOW, I am NEVER gonna live that line down!), that it is really just a base for the yummy goodness that we slather on top of it, I happen to like pancakes and waffles somewhat plain as well. Furthermore, some of the comments from my tasters have pretty much indicated that it doesn't taste waffle-y, so there is a taste out there that they associate with waffles, and I just haven't found it yet.


However, there is a more important reason for eating them, especially fat-free ones, which so far are winning the taste tests. That would be that it gives a growing child a healthy breakfast that can power them through until lunch. It also gives an expanding middle aged man something to eat with his coffee and syrup that isn't cinnamon buns, which would cause the expanding to go to exploding.

This is a good thing, and shows responsible parenting, whereby mere spoonfuls of butter with syrup on them would probably get a parent in trouble with child welfare.

AND Tuesday Morning

So I had some left over batter from Sunday's failed waffle experiment. ( the batter gave me 5 1/2 waffles, which isn't bad, just the taste is) I decided to use it today, and see if I couldn't doll it up a little to make it taste like something. So I put in some more vanilla, a shot of Splenda and cinnamon.

While it cooked up, it certainly smelled better, more like breakfast. I nibbled at the edges, thought it was OK, but not great. However, little miss grumpy was today's taster, and after one bite she gives me one of her morning disgusted/exasperated looks and says

" Just go with the apple one."


We shall keep trying.

Sunday Morning Waffles

My smiling cousin got a hold of me yesterday and asked me if I was finally going to invite him for waffles. I hadn't really planned on it, since I had not yet found a recipe worthy of serving to company, but I figured, what the heck, I can probably get something out of it to share here.

So I decided it was time to try a supposedly real waffle recipe, full steam ahead and damn the cholesterol. I went to the many pages I had printed for waffle recipes, took one from a reputable food site, and decided to make it. the only modifications I made was to use fat free milk instead of buttermilk, since that is all I had, and after piling up the one ounce of whipped butter to the ceiling, decided to forgo the second ounce.

So I measured, mixed, melted, whipped and stirred, and I had a good looking batter going. In went the batter, flip went the maker, out came a waffle. I ate it. nothing special. Then I made one for the cuz, and he added butter on top and syrup, and said it was ok.

Then the official testers woke up ( well one of them, at least. ) Now, she isn't great in the morning, but her taste buds are awake, and I am sure to get an unvarnished opinion. She takes a bite, looks at me, and asks " is it supposed to have any taste?". Later on, taster number two got up, made her own waffle, and deemed it "tasteless."

So I guess its back to the drawing board. If anyone knows of a waffle recipe that has some taste and won't explode your heart, please feel free to send it to me.

Order in the Court

I was in court recently trying to save a client from himself. The opposing counsel had made a fatal error in the agreement and I had told my client that if he paid his rent timely, I could get the case dismissed a year later. Now it was a year later, and he had not kept to the agreement, weakening but not destroying his case. However, I needed to make my argument in front of the judge.

Now some people may feel that courtrooms are serious places where justice gets done with all appropriate gravitas and decorum. And they might be right in most cases. However, in landlord tenant court, as many litigants are not represented by counsel, it is usually looser, and in some cases, downright homey. Especially when you take into account that some tenants are in court so often, they obviously treat the court a second home.

However, on this day, that feeling of comfort was taken to a new level that even I thought I would never experience.

We were all sitting quietly, after being admonished repeatedly by the Court officer to stop talking, when suddenly she stated"

"Whoever is clipping their nails needs to stop."

Incredulously, I asked her if she really just said what I thought she sad. She replied " I did."

Amazing what people will do. She should have added

This is Housing Court, not your house.

I did.

Please, have ANOTHER waffle

I was happy with the waffle saga, thinking it finished ( as I am sure many of you were hoping) but alas, it continues.

After the tepid response from my tasters of the first batch of fat free(ish) waffles, coupled with recriminating looks from Lovey that I put the maker away stating it has served its purpose, I decided this past Sunday would be a good day to try again.

This time, still trying to keep the butter to a minimum, but make the taste less fruity and more waffly, I went to an old standby, Related's pancake recipe. When we make pancakes, we usually leave out all the oil. I cut it down to one tablespoon, but otherwise followed the recipe. The standard recipe yielded four waffles, with one being put aside to be warmed up the following morning for breakfast ( and lunch, these things are HUGE.) The results, again, must be deemed a qualified success.

The maker did not explode, nor did the people who ate the product. However, while Ace said they were good, Boo stated they were just big pancakes with squares on them. Actually, she said they just tasted like pancakes and not waffles. How she knows this with certainly, when she is but a connoisseur of fine frozen packaged waffles, is beyond me, but so be it.

However, they LOOKED awesome, all crisp and fluffy, so I will keep this recipe in reserve as a go to recipe in a pinch if we should suddenly receive guests who are just DYING for a waffle. Stay tuned for more in the adventures of the perfect waffle.

Which I think will require 14 pounds of butter.

Full Service Organization

I was doing a night shift a few weeks ago. About 2 AM a call comes in off Maple Avenue, so I take the ambulance and go. I get there first and the second person there says he would have been there sooner but a deer ran into the side of his car.

We don't transport the call, and on the way back, at the corner of this street and Maple there is the deer unable to get up. Two of the other members who showed up on the call have stopped their cars on the corner and are outside looking at the deer. I pull up behind them in the ambulance for a moment and we chat about the situation.

As I am about to turn on to Maple Avenue, another car stops next to the two parked cars. I go around all the vehicles and proceed to the light and go into the left turn lane. The car that stopped after we all did then pulls up alongside the ambulance and the driver, a young guy just tooling around at 2:30 in the morning rolls down his window.

The driver asks me what's going on. I tell him that we had just had a call. He looks at me incredulously and asks

"For the deer????"

Apples and Trees II

For many years, we have accused Stretch of being, ah, somewhat unaware of his surroundings. This post shall serve both as proof as to where that comes from, and as an apology to him.


A while ago, Stretch was coming back from somewhere in Jersey. As he was explaining the route he took, which he thought was the northbound Garden State Parkway, I asked him if he went through the tolls. He told me that he didn't go through any tolls, whereby I told him that he is more spaced out than usual, since there is a HUGE toll northbound, around exit 165, that divides the highway, has a high speed EZpass lane, and ALL KINDS of signage. he claimed it wasn't there.


Well, three nights ago, I was coming home on the northbound Garden State Parkway when I suddenly realized I was at exit 168 and couldn't remember going through the toll area. I thought I was losing my mind, but I had been listening to something, or thinking about waffles, and just may not have noticed it.


So two night I again went that way, and made sure to pay specific attention to that part of my surroundings. Image my surprise when I realized that THEY HAD TAKEN THE WHOLE THING DOWN!!! Actually, I think they changed the road divider to the other side of the road, and only took down the tolls, but it was amazing. Stretch was right and I ( and others who had agreed with me, who also take that road) were wrong.

So apologies to him, with the deeper understanding that most of what we see in our kids comes from somewhere, usually a place that can be found in a mirror.

MORE Waffles?

Some of the negotiated terms in order for me to get the waffle maker was that I (a) Tovel it (b) use it, and (c) actually make breakfast for someone with it (not just take pictures of waffles in the middle of the night).

Now (a) and (b) were accomplished already. That left (c), which can be tricky, as the members of the household are often gone by the time I get rolling in the morning. However, I had told one of the girls I would make one for them, as I still had batter left over.

So I got up real early this morning, while it was still dark, took care of the morning prayers and then proceeded to make a waffles for the girls for breakfast, which, I must say, they very politely and gamely ate.

Now I will put the waffle maker away for the weekend.

Probably never to see the light of day again.

Waffles, Anyone?

I feel it is only fair to update everyone on my hard won waffle iron. After the euphoria of owning such a prestigious appliance, reality set in. Now someone has to actually MAKE the waffles. I looked expectantly to Lovey, who, needless to say, was not of the same mind as me as to the crushing need to have such a device, but though better than asking her to make the product for me.

So I turned to the internet to see what recipes were available. The true Belgian Waffle recipe sort of goes like this: A little flour, some butter, baking powder, more butter, buttermilk, butter, vanilla, and butter. mix ingredients, grease the iron with butter, and cook. You can add other things like chocolate chips, or blueberries, but then you have to use more butter.

Well, I decided that since I am fat enough ( and not that short), I would look for a fat free recipe. This way I could invite Soupeater over to try them, and I look like a wonderful host. The problem with the fat free recipes is that most are on vegan websites, and the vegans are all nuts. They have recipes, but they won't use any animal product, there was actually a reference to bee vomit, which I assumed was honey. However, the recipe looked better than the one with cider vinegar, an old nemesis of mine, so I decided to make that one using the animal by product, as well as reduced fat milk instead of soy milk. ( I had fat free, but wanted to try it.)

Made the batter, turned on the machine, followed the directions, and here is the result of the first foray into waffleland.

I then made a second one, since they don't recommend you actually eat the first one ( just post it to the web, apparently), and I deem the adventure a qualified success. The waffle looks like a waffle, the kitchen did not blow up, and it was indeed edible, but it tasted a lot like apples, since there is apple sauce and apple juice in the recipe. I will keep looking for one that is relatively low fat but not fruit inspired.

In the mean time, Come on over for some waffles, no need to even speak Flemish.