When did the children of my contemporaries become my contemporaries?
Recently, I noticed that a few young men, children of friends or acquaintances of mine, have taken to calling me by my first name. ( G.W., if you are all paying attention)
Now, this is behavior that I have never overtly encouraged, nor implied that it is acceptable. In fact, it usually doesn't happen, and when it does, I will either ignore the friendly salutation and the person uttering it, or, if it seems like an honest mistake, gently correct them, usually through one of my children with whom they are friendly.
I know that many people my age feel that it is silly to insist on the formality, and I always assumed I would be a friend of the little (young) people, and have an easy friendly relationship. However, I have found that if you are too chummy with these little people, they very quickly cross the line into rudeness, so it is good to have the separation of an adult title.
Even when they are a bit older, like high teens - low twenties, I just don't feel comfortable being on a first name basis with these kids. ( Yes, they are still kids, even if they are married). I am old enough to be their parent, or I have their age in a multiple. I just think that the formality is good to remind the younger generation that a certain respect is due a previous generation.
I feel that I am not a hypocrite in this matter, since I am uncomfortable personally referring to my parent's friends by their first names, even if they insist on it. I also occasionally feel funny referring to someone 15 years older than me who have children I am friendly with by their first names, but this is more my generation already, as sometimes I am friendly with their kids, but other children of theirs are the same age as my children. I guess it really depends on the basis of the relationship.
However, the problem starts with first name calling, but can lead to much worse forms of disrespect, for teachers, Rabbis and other authortity figures who deserve to be treated with a degree of deferrence.
Ultimately, it seems that this generation just does not have the proper respect. I wonder who is responsible for that.
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4 comments:
You choose quite a sensitive subject.
In Chaim Berlin, the concept of having respect for your rebbeim and others, has always been a top priority. Issue being, it has tendency to look like you're trying to make yourself high and mighty, while just trying to teach the children respect.
On the other side, you have Torah Vadaath - Rav Pam, who if you called him by his first name, he would turn around and answer you.
This is a tough call, though I do agree with you.
At some point, they have to realize that they need to have respect for you... not YOU in particular, but rather your age and the person.
I guess the real trick is being able to do it without making it look like it's all about you.
I totally agree. and it bothers me even more when kids amongst themselves will refer to the adults in the neighborhood, like "shragi ___ got a new jeep" or "Ma! ____ is on the phone!"
worse, the parents don't reprimand them.
and only in recent years have one or two of my parents' friends told me to call them by their first name. But I can't.
however, it is definitely something hard to deal with, if your kid has a dear friend you know quite well, for many years, and you feel youthful talking to him/her. It is just your natural inclination to want to tell them to call you by your first name, since the formality of Mr./Mrs. is usually for work or strangers....
As Ubbie says, it's a tough call. You would have to determine why the child is calling you by your first name. If you are friendly with his/her parents, it stands to reason that they refer to you in conversation among themselves by your first name and the children know no other name.
If you feel a child is being rude, then it is probably better to stop them from using your first name.
In the final analysis it's not your job to educate someone else's child unless you really feel that the child will suffer from having clueless parents.
It gets hard when it's your kids calling everyone Mr and Mrs and then they hear their friends call you by your first name!
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